It’s been nearly a year and a half since I posted anything here on Living on the Hellmouth. Although I still love Buffy I’ve been been busy focusing on my illustration which takes up all of my free time. Unless I can come up with a good reason not to, chances are when the domain comes up for renewal this fall I’ll just let it go.

For those of you who have, for whatever reason, stuck with me so long I figured I’d post any Whedon inspired illustrations I’ve been working. My goal is to do at least one a month until August as a way to say goodbye. To start things off here’s Dr. Horrible.

If you want to read more about my process and why I love the good horrible doctor so much visit my professional site here.

This week, Buffy Fashion Roulette brings us an awesome review of season 6′s Flooded. In this episode Buffy has to deal with the financial woes of home ownership as the pipes in the Summers home burst. The trio makes their first move by robbing a bank with the help of an M’Fashnik demon. Hijinks ensue.

I have to admit I not a fan of this episode. As sometimes happens with Buffy there are certain things I actively to ignore because logically they make absolutely no sense. The economic stability of the characters on this show is one of those things (This is the reason why shows like Beverly Hills 90210 and Gossip Girl are set in a world of privilege. There is never a need to explain the squandering of inherited wealth.).

Scoobies Financial Responsibilities

Buffy laments the stack of bills that piled up while she was dead. This is what happens when your friends spend all of their time trying to resurrect you instead of being fiscally responsible.

Buffy Fashion Roulette author msjacks makes many good points on how Buffy’s whole financial situation is just ludicrous. For instance, why aren’t Willow and Tara paying rent? They’re both saving quite a bit of money by not having to pay for on campus housing, so you’d think they could reallocate that cash in the form of a monthly rent check. Just saying.

And who was in charge of the bills while Buffy was dead? If you’ll notice in the shot above it looks like they just let the bills pile up. Had Buffy not been brought back would they have just let the house be repossessed? Would Dawn be living on the street? Would Willow and Tara have to move back to the dorms? Why wasn’t anyone coming up with a solution for this? My suggestion? Use the tools you have. Like a robot that looks like your dead friend who’s credit you’re destroying by not bothering to open any mail that isn’t from Amazon.

Oh Buffybot. She had such a tough, short life spent being abused and misused in so many different ways. She may have been created as Spike’s sex toy, but we saw her rise above it and battle Glory, vampires and teachers, and yet she could have done so much more. She is after all a highly complex computer. I don’t understand why Willow wouldn’t have installed QuickBooks on her operating system and let her take care of the finances during Buffy’s death. Buffybot’s OS can have multiple programs running at the same time so I don’t see why she couldn’t be monitoring the NASDAQ while on patrol. Some stock trading software and they Scoobies could have had those bills paid off and started that nice little college fund for Dawn that Anya mentioned. This would have been a far better use of memory than programming in new puns, I’m deeply disappointed in you Willow.

Shady Sunnydale Economics

As I said before, I spent a good deal of the show ignoring the logic behind the financial situations of these characters. There are so many things that make little to no sense, unless of course Sunnydale is a Utopian society where people trade goods and services instead of using actual money. So how is it these characters aren’t part of the welfare system?

Joyce

In Flooded Buffy says, “I’ve trashed this house so many times. How did mom pay for this?” Good question Buffy! I know Joyce worked at a Gallery, but I’m pretty sure wasn’t the owner. Even still, owning a gallery isn’t a goldmine, even if it is located in cultural hot beds like New York or Paris. For Joyce to need to replace any number of destroyed household items, her daughters torn and bloody leather separates, and still be able to order Chinese on a regular basis Joyce would have had to have a higher income than just a gallery job.

Perhaps the gallery was really a front for a secret underground art smuggling ring. Joyce was really fencing some high end artwork and antiquities. Plus, since she lived on the hellmouth, she would have prime access to much sought after items of the mystical variety. Looking for the Ark of the Covenant? How about a nice Golden Fleece? You say you want to get your hands on Excalibur? Joyce knows this lady, she lives in a lake, Joyce can totally get that for you.

Giles

Could it be that the M'Fashnik demon is wearing a Rupert Giles original?

Season 4 introduced a us to a slightly depressed, unappreciated and unemployed Giles. Although the first two are dealt with in the coarse of the season we never find out how Giles can afford to keep his homey Sunnydale apartment and expensive aged brandy. I suppose that Giles could just be really good at saving and investing money, but a year of unemployment would have had to put a serious dent in his finances and would have likely made it difficult to get a loan to open the Magic Box. Buffy can tell you how hard it is to get a loan while unemployed.

Now, I’ve speculated before that Giles may have a secret demon leather goods store. After all, while vampires may turn to dust there are all of those demon bodies up for grabs, and their skin does in fact look pretty leathery. This would also help explain away the Scoobies proclivity to outfit themselves in leather. Buffy especially. In fact I wouldn’t be surprised if the M’Fashnik’s leather jacket may have once belonged to a friend of his.

Angel

Have you ever noticed that Angel always has one heck of a swanky apartment? He’s always got excellent choices in furniture and his chachkies look expensive. I guess one could argue that he picked up all of these things over the years living as a vampire, but the amount of times he’s moved during the time he’s known Buffy alone make me wonder if all of these items really moved with him. He leaves his first apartment to move in with Spike and Dru because he’s turned into Angelus, but I really can’t see Angelus hiring movers to cart his crap from his apartment to the Factory and then over to the Mansion.

We know Spike furnishes his place with choice items from the Sunnydale dump, and I wouldn’t put it past him to just steal the items he can’t find while dumpster diving (I’m pretty sure he knocked over a Peir 1 outlet to acquire all of those Persian rugs), but I can’t see Angel in a thrift store much less the dump. Plus he tends to be a law abiding citizen so I’m fairly sure pays for things like the rest of us. So I have to wonder, where does he get the cash to furnish his posh vampire pad?

I still haven’t come up with a great explanation for him paying for his dramatic flair in interior design, but I’d put my money on smart investing. If you were around to buy Ford stock while the marketing department still called them “horseless carriages” and then traded it to invest in Microsoft while they were still using DOS you could be set for life, or unlife.

Angel's Vampire Pads. Clockwise from the top left. Buffy Season 2 swanky vampire pad, Buffy Season 3 swanky vampire mansion, Angel Season 1 swanky LA vampire pad, Angel Seasons 2-4 swanky vampire hotel room, Angel Season 5 swanky corporate tool vampire pad. I left out the swanky vampire guest room he must have lived in during the time he was at the factory because we never see it.

I’ve compiled a list of Sunnydale alum below. Twitter, it appears, has several Buffys, Spikes and Angels (not to mention every other character) so I tried to keep it to people that seemed to interact with each other the most. Also, I used only accounts that were current (except for the “Gone but Not Forgotten Section”)

And since it’s Friday, why not follow them? It’s great weekend fun.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer

@BuffySummers
@Xander
@willow_r
@MrRupertGiles
@SpikePratt
@Dawn_Summers
@AnyaJenkins
@TaraMaclay
@JoyceSummers163
@HarmonyKendall
@AgentFinn
@Drusilla
@Glorificus
@Ben_MD
@The_Buffybot (This is my favorite! We’re not to the point in the season where she’s been created yet, but on occasion she tweets in binary)
@WarrenMears
@Andrew_otherguy
@JonathanLevnson
@AmyMadison

Angel

@AngelWithASoul
@CordyChase
@WesleyPryce
@OG_Gunn
@WinifredBurkle
@Kate_Lockley
@PhantomDennis1
@L_McDonald
@Lilah_Morgan
@The_Furies

Gone but Not Forgotten Section

All of these guys are dead, but just in case you want to read their last tweets, check them out. (And apparently Snyder still tweets on occasion from the great beyond!)

@ozthewolf
@PrincipalSnyder
@MayorWilkins

Just Because

@MissKFantastico

If I’ve left anyone out I’m sorry, just let me know and I’ll add you to the list. And thanks for tweeting.

Early in the episode Buffy produces an impressive cold cut platter and Cordy calls her Martha Stewart. Although I’ve devoted single posts to a single idea, this a thow away line has spurred 2 pieces of conjecture that are too much fun. And something about this post has inspired me to break out the Photoshop (It’s probably all the talk about crafting)!

Martha Stewart Living… on the Hellmouth

Martha shares tasty, and evil comfort food recipes like Brain and Bean Casserole

Arts and crafts shouldn’t just be limited to the human world, and although she’s got a an awesome collection of Halloween crafts Martha could find a whole new demographic in the supernatural. I’m sure the demon world could benifit from learning to use a piping bag and glitter. Lots and lots of glitter.

Martha could have a whole shows devoted to the more demony aspects of scrapbooking, desserts and place settings. Although to fit in with the locals demons better she may have to become a demon herself. Or zombie. Whatever. I can’t picture her as a vampire though. Michaels closes pretty early so she’d need to be able to go out during the day. Although I imagine she could crochet a pretty rocken’ blanket to wear out in the sun.

For special guests she could have Spike over to share his various recipes for drinking blood. Add some Weetabix for texture, Burba Weed spices it up, otter blood is a tasty alternative to human. Clem could stop by and they can talk about dressing up pets for the holidays. Although Martha’s more of a dog person so with her dogs and Clem’s kittens on the set hijinks would ensue.

Martha the Vampire Slayer

Check it out! Martha already has staking stance down!

Martha’s pretty bad ass. In fact, she’s the Faith of the Arts and Crafts world. In fact they have so many similarities I’ve constructed a compare and contrast chart of Martha and Faith (These two would never be able to work together. Seriously, Martha would never, never associate with someone who dresses like that!):

Had Martha been called instead of Faith season 3 would have pretty much ended the same way. In fact I really do think that Mayor Wilkens would have loved Martha to pieces! The two of them coulda, woulda, shoulda been a super intense big bad (Martha and the Mayor are totally the Spike and Dru of WASPy 40-somethings)! She would have given him tips on how to arrange his collection of shrunken heads, he would make sure there was no cross contamination between meat and seafood when cooking.

I forgot how good this episode was! I don’t often go back and re-watch Season 1, but seriously! That speech Buffy gives Angel and Giles when she finds out she’s going to die? It gets me every time. And do you remember when Xander was a dick? I kinda miss him. He had layers back then.

At first I thought it would be difficult to come up with some good conjecture for this episode. After all, finales usually are jam packed with action and day to day living isn’t actiony enough. However, this one is just bursting with questions. Most are directly related to the hellmouth (what’s in that thing? I swear, every time it opens something different comes popping out), but there are two that are glaringly mundane.

High School Make-out Spot?

Ouch! That's gotta hurt.

So the show starts off with Cordelia and red shirt Kevin are making out in Cordelia’s car. Buffy’s outside batteling a vamp. You’ll notice from the screenshot above that behind the vampire ass kicking is a row of school busses. Is the Sunnydale High parking lot really where Sunnydale teens go to make out? Now Courdy’s car is the only one around, so it’s possible that the rest of Sunnydale is making out somewhere else, but that’s still no excuse why Cordy’s there. I’m not sure about you but the last place I wanted to be after school was at school. Even if dirty shenanigans were going on (dirty shenanigans should only happen on school property durning school hours).

I could see why you wouldn’t want to make out at certain spots in Sunnydale. Teens wouldn’t want to make out in the cemetery, that’s where all of the zombies and vampires make out. Since they’re already feeling lusty you wouldn’t want to add blood, or brain, lust to it. They could make out at the local 7-Eleven, but as Spike points out in Doublemeat Palace some demons love flourecent lights because “the way they vibrate makes their skin twitch” (besides, there are any number of reasons why I can’t imagine Cordelia being caught dead at a 7-Eleven). The woods are out, especially on a full moon because that’s where the werewolf’s make out, so I guess your options are pretty limited. But the school? Really? You might as well make out in your neighbor’s driveway.

And where is Snyder?! I mean really, isn’t this the kind of thing he lives to break up?

Sunnydale Tourism

Fruit Punch Mouth

At the climax of the episode Buffy and The Master are facing off for the final battle. When he tries to use his supernatural Star Wars powers on her Buffy snarks, “Save the hypnosis crap for the tourists.” Can you imagine the Sunnydale travel brochure?

Need to get away from you’re day to day grind? Sunnydale has something to offer everyone; from the magic of downtown, to the terror of the apocalypse.

It would be better than the Disneyworld! Vampire docents give nightly tours of the Sunnydale cemeteries. Giles does scheduled exposition talks about demon history for the cultural types. Twice daily The Master creates an earthquake. Glory and Ben do a street show where they juggle fire. Ethan can open up a candy shop, Dru would be great at telling disturbing fortunes, Willow and Tara put on a nightly magical light show. Then every night at 6 the Mayor would ascend and gobble up entire tour buses.

Come to Sunnydale for the chaos, stay because you’ve been eaten.

Religion on the Hellmouth

Doe, a deer that Willow killed. Ray, a drop of golden sun that kills vampires. Me, a name Cordy thinks about the most. Far, a long, long way to run away from demons. So, a note that's followed by what. L.A. the place where Angle lives. Tea, a drink that Giles loves. And that will bring us back to HomerDo (oh-oh-oh)

Now before you go screaming away from this post thinking it has any deep insites into god (spelled in any number of languages with or without capitals and what-not), the universe, or theology, I can assure you, there will be absolutely no meaningful observations about religion here. The show referances the religions of the world in passing, without making judgments or commentary, so neither will I. If you wanna talk about the existence of God, I’ve heard Steven Hawking is keen on the subject these days.

As you may remember the opening scene starts off trying to make us believe Buffy has become a nun, when in reality she’s just saving a convent full of nuns from some vampires. The good Sister she saves seems genuinely surprised by the demon, so I’m thinking she must be new in town. She reminds me little of Maria from The Sound of Music (although I’ll bet if Maria had been sent to Sunnydale instead of the von Trapp mansion she’d still be a virgin have become a nun.).

In a town like Sunnydale you have to wonder, how do all of the world’s faiths get along? The town is quite literally built on a rich Christian foundation of churches and monasteries… buried by one earthquake or another. It’s mentioned that there are 46 churches in the town. Because it’s a hellmouth! It’s easy to see why the people of Sunnydale would turn to religion. Not only would it help a person come to terms with the zombies, mummies, and demons that have taken up residance, but because the average lifespan of a Sunnydale resident has got to be pretty short. Like two months if you’re new to the town. If it’s likely that you’re going to be killed on you way to the grocery store it would be easier to deal with if you believe in a higher power.

The only character on the show to ever express having been raised in any sort of religious environment is Willow, who is Jewish, but I’d bet there are all sorts of religions in Sunnydale. Not just your more common ones like Buddhism, Hinduism, Christianity, Atheism, Agnosticism, Whedonism… did I fall asleep? If there isn’t a Jim Jones style cult in town I would be surprised. Weekly bingo and spaghetti dinners could bring all denominations together!

How does city hall get decorated for Christmas? A nativity? A Manora? A ritual sacrifice? The “living” ritual sacrifice has got to have the biggest draw.

I’m actually suprised the town could even function. How may holidays would need to be observed by the government? With Yom Kippur, Ramadan, Easter, the Spring and Winter Equinox, and the night of St. Vigeous… it’s hard to believe public services operate at all! Does mail ever get delivered? I’ll bet the email got invented in Sunnydale because there was no other way for pen pals to get a letter through.

I’ve got to say, it’s impressive that all the religions in town would get along so well. I guess if you live in a constant state of fear that something bigger and badder is going to get you it’s easier to let everyone else worship in peace. Okay, I’ll get deep for a second here and say, if the world could just model itself after Sunnydale a little more the world would be a better place.

In Sunnydale it doesn’t matter if you’re a Muslim or Jewish, or even a vampire or warewolf. Worship as you like because tomorrow you may just end up at the doorstep of the supreme being you worship. And that supreme being really doesn’t care if your neighbor is a Fyarl demon or if the president of the PTA that eats babies. Just that you’ve been a good person… unless you’re a vengeance demon.

D’Hoffryn has a quota. Don’t make him mad.

As you may remember, this was the episode in which the show tried to tackle social commentary head on, and failed miserably. I’m not entirely sure what the show was trying to say about the treatment of Native Americans. I’d like to hope that the writers were trying to bring to light the injustices that the Native American people have suffered since the Pilgrims set foot on Plymouth Rock, buuut it’s a bit hard to tell. I mean, why make them the villain of the week? And with the most rational and convincing arguments come from Giles and Spike, who argue for killing “the bloody Indians” I’m not sure what the show is trying to say here.

Maybe it’s supposed to be okay that Giles and Spike take the anti-Indian sentiment because they’re British. But honestly I don’t know. It does however make me wonder, what do Giles and Spike do on American holidays?

A Giles and Spike Thanksgiving

Look! Spike dressed up as a Pilgrim from the first Thanksgiving!

Although Giles and Spike get to spend this Thanksgiving with the Scoobies, what about all of the other Thanksgivings? And Fourth of Julys? Memorial Day? Labor Day? Granted the last three are more cookouts and picnics, so it’s likely Spike wouldn’t be attending, but Thanksgiving is a holiday that people spend with the ones they love. And one where everything closes at 5, so there’s not a lot else to do. Besides, it’s not an international holiday that they would be accustom to celebrating anyway. (In college we had a British exchange student and one of my friends innocently asked her what they do for Thanksgiving in England. She stopped, stared, and then responded with “we celebrate getting rid of all the Americans.”)

Being British I can’t imagine either of them would be enthusiastic about celebrating a “traditional” American Thanksgiving. A day spent roasting a turkey and baking pumpkin pie, then eating too much and falling asleep on the couch watching A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving. (Although I love the idea of Spike contributing to the meal by bringing the Cranberry sauce. In a can. You know, the kind that keeps the can shape.) So what would they do?

I think Giles and Spike should spend the day celebrating Thanksgiving together. Although their time together was brief, I loved Giles and Spike as roomies (Insert The Odd Couple theme here. Look! I’ve included it below!).

They get together, drink Brandy, eat Weetabix, watch the telly and reminisce about life on the other side of the pond. They could discuss Parliament and the Spike could talk about happier times, like when England ruled the world. I’ll bet they could even invite Wesley down from LA! Maybe Angle can come to. Although, he seems to have integrated into American society pretty well. He and Cordy probably have their own Thanksgiving, complete with canned cranberry sauce, and canned peas, and canned cream corn. Who am I kidding? They just pick up some Boston Market. Besides, with Angel being Irish and all I don’t imagine he’d have a gay old time discussing the conquests of the British Empire. Okay, just Wesley then. He can make the tea.

Sunnydale Marching Band

Mayor Wilkins wonders where he left his Scotch and plans on relaxing with some John Philip Sousa.

It’s revealed in this episode that Mayor Wilkins is behind setting into motion the events that cause a magical batch of candy to be unleashed on the unsuspecting townsfolk. For some reason he decides to have the student body to sell candy to support the marching band. I have to wonder why he chose a band fundraiser rather than a more popular football team or cheerleader fundraiser.

My guess is because the marching band takes him back to a simpler time. The man is over a hundred years old and I bet all of the epaulettes and shinny brass buttons remind him of his younger years. Besides, he does looks like he would really enjoy listening to John Philip Sousa.

Hellmouth Educational/Propaganda Films

My favorite line from this episode comes from Principal Snyder, when he says Buffy drives like a spaz! That line cracks me up every time. Principal Snyder is hilarious in this episode.

You may remember that this is the one episode where Buffy drives. Early in the episode Buffy tries to convince Joyce that she should be allowed to drive because she’s seen the “film strips with the blood and the death and the corpses.” Do they still show these? It makes me sad that the U.S. government has decided to entrust education to teachers instead of B-movie quality film strips. Of course considering this is Sunnydale, their educational films have got to be pretty gruesome awesome!

Sure, they would still have film reels that focus on hygiene and driving under the influence, but as a responsible educator living on the hellmouth the films should also cover dating demons and magic abuse. With titles like Vampires: the Blood Red Threat, Minion Manners, and Hellmouth Highway they have to be a campy balance of wholesome high school life and the bloody real world consequences of living amongst the supernatural. The one on vampire dental hygiene has got to be the best.

In a cheerful 1950′s announcer voice:

“In the event you get turned by a vampire, remember, dental hygiene becomes even more important. Your new vampire teeth need constant care and attention, along with a visit to the dentist every six months. The types of food you eat are important to keeping your teeth healthy and sharp. A nice ripe virgin or strapping young lad are sure to strengthen both your teeth and your blood-lust.”

Obviously Joyce and Giles skipped the day the showed Band Candy Madness.

Joyce and Ripper succumb to the dangers of Band Candy.

What You’ll Need

• An episode of Mad Men
• A bottle of Bourbon
• A bottle of Scotch
• A bottle of Vodka
• A nice bottle of red wine
• or any booze you can drink in large quantities

Optional:

• A carton of Lucky Strikes

The Rules

These are really easy. I’ll bet you’ve figured them out yourself. But if not:

1. Drink when they drink
2. If it’s in the office drink Bourbon, Scotch or Vodka in a highball glass. No ice.

If you’re really hardcore:

• Smoke when they smoke
• Have sex when they do too

If you live through the night… wow. You must be a vampire.

Drink responsibly, and stop by for more Buffy Conjecture coming your way in a few days!

This episode was a set of bloody twins in a hallway shy of keeping me up all night. I still get chills when the furniture rearranges itself all Poltergeist style. Of course that may be because my uncle made me watch a bootleg version of Poltergeist when I was 5. However, there are a few less creepy elements to ponder.

Andrew and Johnathan Roadtrip!

The top of the first act starts with one my my favorite scenes in the series. It’s also pretty much the only moment of levity in this episode.

Andrew and Johnathan are driving back from Mexico bickering about linguistics and talking about the First Evil. Johnathan recites a line in “Mexicoan” and Andrew hilariously translates “It eats you, starting with your bottom” for those of us who don’t speak the language. They talk about The First a little more and the scene ends.

Considering Andrew and Johnathan bicker constantly when they’re not terrified which is about 42% of the time the road trip from Mexico had to drive The First Warren out of his mind. I’ll bet he spent most of the trip screaming “Don’t make me pull this car over!” only to realize that he’s incorporeal and can’t drive. Poor The First Warren. Stuck in the back seat of the car, listening to the boys debate which Dr. Who doctor is the best, and getting lost because Andrew and Johnathan can’t agree on how to get to Legoland. I have an idea The First Warren! Turn out all of the lights and rearrange the chachkies on the dashboard, then turn the lights back on. That should freak them the hell out.

And check out the El Camino! I wish that car had more air time. I’m pretty sure that Andrew did most of the decorating, he seems pretty crafty. I’ll bet he ends up bedazzling the Scoobies outerwear at the end of the season when he’s being held hostage at Buffy’s house. He probably made Spike a rhinestone covered black tshirt that says “Big Bad” across the chest. Wow, I wish we had seen that too.

The Curious Lack of Bars

Although this isn’t a Bronze centric episode, the musings of msjacks on bar etiquette for The Bitter Buffalo made me realize something else rather odd about Sunnydale. Namely the curious lack of bars. For a town the is constantly fraught with the Apocalypse you would think there would be a bar on every corner, and yet here we have Spike picking up some girl at the Bronze.

I’ve been forever confused by the Bronze. There seems to be a pretty even mix of teenagers, adults and vampires. You’d think the place would at least have a bouncer outside stamping everyone’s hand so the bartender would know who to serve and who’s planning on eating him at the end of the night.

Why don’t the adults of Sunnydale spend their time at more adult venues? Is it just because there aren’t any? Sure, there’s Willy’s bar and that place Spike goes to get in a good game of kitten poker, but where do you go if you’re not an evil townie? Considering that it’s a college town, that’s just unacceptable.

I think Giles seriously missed the mark when he decided to open up the Magic Box. The overhead in that place had to be astronomical considering how many times it was trashed. Should have bought a bar Giles! All you need is to hire a couple bouncers to keep bar fights to a minimum. And keep out evil Willow. There would finally be a place for Sunnydale folks to go to drown their sorrows and forget the one night stands they had with chaos demons or other whatnot.

With only maybe three bars in town the chance of an embarrassing next day encounter while you’re trying to drink away the events of the night before are inevitable. It’s also likely that you’re going to end up flat on your back in the same dirty crypt with your feet in the air night after night. The perfect argument for drinking alone in the dark. Maybe Sunnydale’s got liquor stores on every block.